The answer to happiness?

The way lives are led these days can often feel nonstop. There’s always something clamouring for our attention, diverting us, bouncing us from one stimulus to the next without much of a break between them.

Of course, humans are very social beings and it’s important to forge and maintain long-standing connections with others, but it’s equally important to make sure you’re honest with yourself if you feel you’re taking on too much. It might be the time to stop and take time for yourself.

It can be very difficult to say no to people, especially after concrete plans have been made, but it seems that continuing as normal and not backing out could actually have a negative impact on your mental health and wellbeing.

New research published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, has found that choice has an important role to play in moderating and affecting episodic subjective wellbeing (ESWB) - especially because experiences with other people are magnified.

The results showed that spending time with others by choice had the strongest positive association with ESWB, control and sense of meaning. However, being with others, not by choice, had the strongest negative association.

It’s very easy to think that ‘I just don’t want to’ isn’t really a valid excuse for cancelling plans or not doing something - but obligation isn’t necessarily the best reason to do something either. In fact, saying no can actually be very empowering and give you the time you clearly need to focus on yourself.

You won’t be letting anyone down by cancelling. Cast your mind back… no doubt lots of people have postponed or backed out on plans with you in the past. Have you ever rejected them because of this? The answer is most probably no.

So the next time you’ve got something in the calendar that you know you really don’t want to do, but said yes by a sense of obligation, and which you know you’re not going to enjoy, perhaps give yourself a break.