Why Your Past Doesn’t Define You

Everybody has past memories and experiences to draw on, and sometimes our minds seem to dwell on the most negative. This can affect how we deal with the present, and even harm our future plans and ambitions. Often, we carry unfair biases about ourselves, but with a little effort, these unhelpful thoughts can be turned around.

Learn how to challenge your inner critic

We all have some sort of internal monologue going on from time to time, or even most of the time. This can be a very powerful barrier to stopping us from being our best selves. If you find you are constantly plagued with a negative or critical inner voice, the good news is, there are proactive steps you can take to challenge it.

First of all, examine your thoughts rationally. Are they exaggerated, or based on assumptions with little evidence behind them? Sometimes, our minds can have a natural tendency to dwell on negative experiences rather than the positive.

For example, you might have failed an exam in the past, and this looms in your mind every time you need to take a test, or discuss your qualifications with someone. Yet there are probably many other tests or exams that you have passed, or other successes which prove you are a competent and capable person.

Disrupt your thoughts with a change of activity

Sometimes, it is useful to reflect on a past situation and think about ways in which can handle it better in the future. This can prevent us from repeating the same mistake over again, or let us tweak and refine our approach to something in the future. After all, every new day is a chance to start over again.

However, constantly ruminating on the past is unhelpful, and even damaging. It serves no purpose, and living in past stops us from being fully present in the future. Try to interrupt your recollections with an activity that will occupy your mind in the present, such as doing a pilates class or cooking a meal.

Some people find that mindfulness techniques are an excellent way of helping them live in the present moment. They can be a mixture of deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and an audio guide that encourages you to see your thoughts as leaves floating past on a stream, and out of sight.

This creates a distance between your present self and your thoughts, and allows you see them in a more detached and neutral way, as an outside observer would. Some people even find that this can help them to accept very distressing past experiences without raking up excessive trauma.

None of us can entirely free ourselves from bad past experiences, or protect ourselves from them in the future. But we can learn to live in a more open-minded way, that allows us to challenge or accept any weaker areas, and embrace the strength we all carry within.